Just a Place

I like to come here alone, I feel free (and mom thinks I’m crazy). It’s a good place to think, to order your thoughts. [...] Well, today is a little bit full of people near here, and it’s very windy but I kinda like it. If had some place covered, it’d be great to start raining. And then, I’d run out through the rain. It helps to get better.

The point is, even if you try to cheat yourself, pretending everything is okay and acting as if you don’t care, you do. It comes a time that you just can’t do this anymore (lying to yourself). So you feel lost. What to do now? ‘Cause you know everything is going to be okay, but when?

Earlier, I wasn’t so good. Do you know that feeling of being full inside? But at the same time, empty? As if you’re going to explode (and it wasn’t a bad idea). Anyway, it passed. The problem is that nothing comes out anymore, and you stay anguished. Could it be strange, but I like to cry, you feel better inside.

Not all of the cases.

I guess I get inspired to write when things aren’t going okay, and my mind is a mess. So, let it be.

Untitled

Apenas uma frase que eu escutei hoje no trabalho… Cada um interpreta de uma maneira, e bem, acho que ainda estou tentando achar o significado dela pra mim.

Se você quer ser de uma pessoa, você não pode ser dela.

Why?

If you care, why don’t you show it?

Maybe

Don’t put too much effort to win someone’s heart. Because the more effort you exert, the more disappointed you’ll get if that person doesn’t feel the same way for you.

It’s difficult to know what’s passing through someone’s mind. And so yours. But sometimes you’re afraid of getting involved, because it’s always the same story. No expectations, no disappointments. Right? Well, it’s not easy to say that for you brain. Or heart, whatever. Some things are automatically .-. I’d like to control these feelings, but sometimes you just can’t =/ So, let’s think about it…

It doesn’t need to be perfect and last forever, I just want it to be good and intense, no matter how it lasts.

Wish

One wish for the next year: kissing someone in the rain :3 Haha I don’t know why, but I always wanted to kiss someone under the rain ;x It’s kind of cute >< Am I silly? Yes, I guess xD But whatever, I want to ò_ó aushaushau [..] I just want to meet someone who messed with my feelings like no one else =/ But it’s not just that, I’d like to be corresponded. A little of reciprocity isn’t bad, right? ç.ç All I know is I don’t know nothing. So I’m gonna GTFO of here.

Cold As You

That feeling of freezing a corrupted memory,
it’ll be the same as dying in the vacuum, embraced
by the void, kissed by the wind.

I’d like to try something. Feeling. Seeing. Existing.

An emptiness fills me, a different one, an
innocent hole, that I carry right here.

My eyes try to see, something that doesn’t exist,
or already existed but doesn’t want to forget.

Our touch get used to that concrete hug
that is dying slowly.

Freedom in society, locked in emptiness.
I run away out there, looking at me, trying
to forget what’s inside.

I let myself dreaming about, but my frozen heart
is broken in a half, and so it’ll be, kept in the
vacuum for too long.

I was searching for some phrase and I found this, but in Portuguese. So I tried to translate it, ’cause I liked very much. Enough for now.

Fuck off

Things work like that: if you help everyone and never say “no”, do your things and others, too, people will like you. But, once you said “no”, it’s done. There’s a person you consider ur friend. He likes you because you help him when it’s possible. But when you make a “mistake”, and for you isn’t one, this same person comes with 3 stones on his hand. So you stay sad because you used to talk to him a lot, and you are already done for being ignored. You try to talk, but it doesn’t work. [...] Sometimes I think that it’d be best to do the things and don’t care with nothing. And nobody. Because if you act like an “idiot”, at least this kind of person would have motives to not talk to you.

Feelings

It’s easy to say don’t care, be strong, let it go, send ‘em to hell, life goes on… but you can’t control things. This come with time… sometimes… I guess…

Nothing Like Time

2 years ago I tried to translate a text that I liked. It was happening a lot of things, and this text helped me a little, I guess.

With the time, you’ll realize that to be happy with another person, you need, first of all, don’t need her. Notice also that who you love (or think that you love) and doesn’t want nothing with you, definitely isn’t the “someone” of your life. You learn how to like of yourself, take care of yourself and mainly, liking who also likes you. The secret isn’t chase the butterflies… is taking care of the garden for people come til you.

I have no idea if it’s right or not, but I’m not gonna check. That’s it ._.

Relief

Today I realized, one more time, that being a good person is equal to fuck urself. If you do something that isn’t ur obligation, or you do because you were ordered or because you want it. The “big deal” is at my job, I do a lot of things, even the ones that I don’t need to, because I like to help when necessary. But if I’ve MY things to do, I do ‘em first, of course. I don’t like doing nothing, stay sitting there eating flies ._. That’s why I help the boys, and automatically in the kitchen. But after today, I’m not gonna do nothing anymore. You help ‘em and what do you get? A “cut”. And it’s from a person who you used to consider a lot. But anyway, I’m tired of it all. So everyone go to fucking hell. I don’t want to understand people anymore. I know I’m not gonna do what I talk (or write), because I’m silly, but for today I’m done. Tomorrow will be another day, and the things are gonna change someway. I think this helped me a little, like it always do. I just want to… I have no idea.